Holding God Hostage

We've all heard the story of Jacob as he wrestled with the Angel of the Lord. The story has been recounted to us since we were little children. But, I don't think we truly understand the significance of the events in the story. At least I didn't until I recently had a similar experience.

Jacob has been away from his father's home for decades. His father and mother have both died, his father-in-law has abused Jacob's hard work, and the influences in the home of his wives' father are not conducive to raising sons in the fear and admonition of the Lord. And so, Jacob packs up his family and begins the journey back to his childhood home and the land of promise. But Jacob's brother, whom Jacob had cheated more than once remained a threat not only to Jacob, but also to Jacob's family.

As concerned as Jacob was for the safety of his wives and children, another matter weighed upon his heart. He looked back on his life and the mistakes that he had made in his life and they were overwhelming. I imagine he looked at the lives of his father and grandfather and compared his own disaster of a life to theirs, not to mention what he knew God had expected of him, and felt the weight of shame and helplessness. He looked at his present situation and peril and couldn't help but think that his previous choices and actions had placed not only himself, but also those he cared for and loved in this grave danger.

And so, Jacob does the only thing he knows to do: he goes off to seek his God's miraculous intervention in prayer. But as the night wears on, Jacob feels no assurance of God's protection. Instead, he feels that his sins are too great and that God has passed him by. Jacob is desperate. And to make matters worse, he is seemingly attacked as he pours out his heart to his God. Jacob attempts to fight back and struggles through the night with this stranger. As he struggles, he realizes that his attacker is holding back and yet Jacob can still not overcome him. This realization is followed by the conclusion that he must be wrestling with God himself.

Jacob determines that he knows that the God he was raised to worship and serve is one of love and mercy and is incapable of abandoning His repentant servant. And, so, Jacob transitions from fighting for his life to attempting to hold onto his last thread of Hope. As the morning light begins to crack across the sky the Angel of the Lord says "let Me go for the day breaks." It is now that Jacob expresses his faith in the love and mercy of God. Jacob responds, "I will not let You go, except You bless me."

Have you ever felt, like Jacob did that your mistakes and rebellion have gotten yourself and those you love in trouble than God is willing to get you out of? These thoughts are of the enemy, and are allowed by God to test our faith. When faced by these doubts, cling, as Jacob did, to your Savior and proclaim "I will not let You go, except You bless me!"